Thank you everyone for your continued love through the kindness of your words, your continual offering of prayers (always evident by way of the strength Hayley finds on a moment to moment basis each day). Had a few short sweet visits during our time here, a nice break up in this routine! We continue to be touched by angels of all kinds; much, oh so much to be thankful for each moment of each given gift of a day, and oh so many reminders of the sweet tender compassion of those who surround us!
Yes, I have much to "pray and pay forward"!
We will be headed back up to Ptown in a couple of weeks for a "de-tubing" if you will, of all the contraptions she is now carrying along as temporary sidekicks! Also, if you are wondering, no news of any results until our next visit of the pathology reports.
It has been an amazing six months being a mama of a daughter with the big "C" as I have always dubbed it. Never in my wildest imaginings would I have thought that I would have found myself sitting in a cancer support meeting with a child or on an oncology wing with our now bald and pardon me, breast-less beauty. Surreal at times to say the least. To those who have walked this journey..... speechless, just heart hugs to each of you....
If I am honest I will have to admit that (especially in the first weeks of this news) during the nights, when all is quiet and still, I have been overwhelmed and almost consumed by the worry, the unknowns, the doubts, the anger, the deep gut desire to stand in her stead, and the endless fear as to the outcome.
It is quite amazing really, the wisdom of God. How in just one moment, with one quick touch of His finger, how He can change the lives of many. Ah yes, He is wise. He does not see time as we do, only the final outcome to which He designs the pathway to mold and make His children. "the Author and Perfecter of our faith" indeed!
During this crazy hike, holding the hand of this darling daughter of ours, He has finally taken the lead. I have no doubt there have been hosts of angels in the heavens celebrating at the victory that He has finally gotten through to my thick head and heart the actual fact that, Yes, I now know that I have no control, never had it, never will! That He wants all of me, nothing short! Wow, that took a lott'a years right?
Eyes opened, all the things of earth seem so dim, so very unimportant. What was pressing, no longer presses, the worlds agenda, truly trite. Looking ever upward, only upward at the constant, ever faithful one who has a plan and yes, a will. Not mine, but His. As Grayson tells me often "Got it Nana"..... well, yes, "I got it"!
This world is not our true home, at best a pretty sad and very temporary one. I am putting my all my stock, all my heart and the desires of my heart in a home not built with hands....
This hike, crazy as it sounds, is worth the climb. Homeward and heaven bound from henceforth!
Just ramblings from an ordinary mama nana of a darling daughter...
Beautiful and inspiring. My prayers continue for your family.
ReplyDeleteYour ramblings from an ordinary "mama nana of a darling daughter" touched me to the point of tears this afternoon. Our daughters have been dear friends since becoming roomates in college years ago. Hayley is a very special person in Kelli's life. We have been praying diligently for Hayley everyday since we found out about her situation. Your words run deep with all of us who are mothers and grandmothers. I would never presume to know how you are feeling, but felt compelled to write to you and let you know that as a "mama nana" myself my heart truly goes out to you. We keep Hayley in our thoughts and we pray for her continued strength and recovery. And you "mama nana" are also going to get special prayers to give you the strength that you need to help Hayley through all of this. Sending you kind thoughts. Naomi (Kelli's mom)
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