It truly is reality-inducing and in turn, humbling, when life takes a sudden u-turn and points you in a direction you realize you've subconsciously convinced yourself could 'never happen to you.'
Didn't I just post something on pride not that long ago? Did I really forget my OWN 'wisdom' pulled from God's wisdom that fast?!?! Am I reeeeally that much of a hypocrite?! Yep.
The unfortunate part, I suppose, about being in that mindset is how truly...TRULY blindsided you are when you receive the news that your life is about to change, forever.
The Lead-up:
Mid last week, at a routine new-patient appt with a wonderful physician here in town, I had a bothersome lump--if you will--area of my right breast checked out.
Over the summer, this area had gone from something I had had an ultrasound on that past fall (and was told 'it was nothing') to something roughly the size of an apricot.
As soon as our physician felt it, he ordered another ultrasound. On that world-wind, what felt like life standing-still day, I underwent three separate ultrasounds as well as two thorough mammograms. An hour and a half later, I was told I could go and that they would be getting back to me by as early as possible, this week.
...and sooo... the waiting game began.
We had a nice weekend together of scooping up and in absolutely every moment of every day, feeling strongly that scary news was on the horizon.
Today, while at Grayson's karate class, my phone rang. Seeing that it was my physician I ran out to answer it... knowing that if they were calling me at near closing and were STILL going to be issuing me some news, it couldn't be good.
Sure enough, the secretary muttered 'Can you be here in 30 minutes?'
Standing there in the lobby of the Roseburg Martial Arts Academy, I did EVERYTHING I COULD to respond without tears... but as soon as I went to speak, the dam broke.
Noticing my turmoil, the academy secretary assured me I could leave and as long as someone (THANK YOU, NANA!) could be there to pick the boys up, she'd stay as long as she had to.
After a hand-trembling dial and phone call to Aaron, we rushed to meet at home and go together.
We already knew. But maybe even then, were still hopeful.
We actually made our physician, who seems like a really 'together' person, cry.
The News:
It is the most common type of breast cancer there is, statistically. However, given that it's been there for a year or so, it has spread into some of my lymph nodes.
The Plan:
We now wait, again, for the phone call telling us where and when to be for surgery.
Our physician HIGHLY recommended us going to Eugene to see a pair of oncologists...(one of which is a breast cancer survivor, herself!).. for the surgery. We will know more once we've seen them, but according to our physician, the general protocol for this scenario is a full mastectomy as well as radiation and then chemo. There is also a strong possibility that they will want to give me a double mastectomy as well as hysterectomy because I test positive in all areas that carry the three hormones that this cancer attacks... progesterone, estrogen and something else... which I apologize, but I think the room went black before I heard.
What you can do:
I know, because I've used this question before myself in these circumstances, that everyone around you wants to pray and ask what they can do.
The answer to that we honestly don't really know yet. Honestly, it's sort of like one of those cases where you wish so badly your husband would just FIGURE OUT FOR YOU what you want and need cause you don't have the energy to know, yourself. (You know what I'm talking about, ladies!) ;)
But I will say, at this early point in time, I am taking great comfort in our Lord Jesus Christ and though I am heartbroken at this whole scenario and what it means for me... I am TRUSTING HIM.
That's all that I CAN do.
Lesson to be learned (albeit the hard way): Myself (AND YOU, too) are not immune to ANYTHING.
It really can, and does, happen to ANY OF US. Knowing that, for my sake, please...the next time you start complaining about your kids, or your bills, or your life in general, just remember that it can all change in a second. It's short and it's fragile so find the good and LIVE FOR EACH MOMENT.
I love you all and appreciate all the thoughts and prayers as Aaron and I and the boys enter into what is bound to be the most challenging of journeys in our life-time.
Praying. Sharing can be very therapeutic so I hope you keep it up. Our minds and hearts are in constant thought of you and Aaron [and the wee ones].
ReplyDeleteEverything you say, everything you feel is just what I remember from our experience. It is like you walked into a different country and you can't leave. Moving from health into the land of illness from one day to the next is surreal. God has given you the strength and the wisdom and the power to fight this. God will put people in your life that will help you and you will need them.
ReplyDeleteI advise you to delegate, delegate, delegate. Delegate people to research your specific cancer, delegate people to do car pools for your boys, delegate meals, babysitters, housework.
Find stories of women who have survived the type of breast cancer you have, read them, focus on them. You can then focus on surviving, and eventually thriving. You are the sweet daughter of my sweet cousin. I love you.
Oh Hayley, my heart goes out to you with big tears! Life isn't fair, thank you Jesus we have Him in the midst. You are a precious soul and constant prayers go out to you and family. Love to you!
ReplyDeleteMarlece
Hayley, I'm a friend of Kevin Lineburg and commit to pray for you and your dear family. I'll be praying that you feel God's comfort and compassion every day. I'll be praying that God will direct you, as well as your husband, for your care, but also for the opportunities that will arise for you to trust our Great God and Savior and share His truth. Praying for your sons. Praying for your healing. Our God is not small and I trust Him for you.
ReplyDeleteYou have a great support system...let them carry you when you can't carry yourself. We continue to pray for Doctors wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog, as a friend posted the link on her FB page. My heart goes out to you and your family. We will be earnestly praying for all of you. I feel led to share something with you. I don't know if this has been addressed with you yet or not. In young, pre-menopausal women who are diagnosed with breast cancer - there is a probability that this could be related to a BRCA gene mutation. (I was recently diagnosed with this mutation myself.) You may want to consider requesting that genetic testing be performed. If you are positive for this gene mutation - each of your children would have a 50% chance of having the same mutation and have the possibility of passing it to their children. If a mutation were discovered, it could also have pertinence for parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. My hope is not to burden you with this information, but to empower you with something that could be life-saving. Here is a website that is a wonderful resource: http://www.facingourrisk.org/ I am also facing similar surgeries. If you would like to message me personally, please feel free to. (greatbrittains@yahoo.com) Lastly, I was given the great advice: "If someone offers you help - TAKE it!" Whether it is asking someone to bring a casserole over that you can put in the freezer or watching your kids so that you can take a nap or whatever else you find that you need help with. I have reminded myself of this advice and have found that it is helpful to remember it is OKAY to accept help:) Many hugs to you. Love, Angie
ReplyDeleteHayley, my name is Lois Hervieux. I am a friend of Shauna's and hopefully will become your friend and prayer partner as well. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last December and after two surgeries, have just completed 5 months of chemotherapy treatments. My 7 weeks of radiation started last week. The place and time that you received your diagnosis will forever be embedded in your memory. Mine was in the school cafeteria while my third graders were practicing for the Christmas program in the gym. Like you, I'm sure my face went white because my co-worker told me to leave and that she would take care of my class. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story on your blog. It is with the comfort God has given us that we can reach out to others and be a comfort to them. My heartfelt prayers are with you and your family. Love, Lois
ReplyDeletelove and prayers to you little strong one. I am with cousin Linda (and she would be a warrior who knows first hand, in every way)---delegate delegate! There will be many who know you and love you but don't know what to do, so simple, practical things will be so wonderful for you as you focus on your emotional work, your physical healing, your spiritual journey. There are many warriors out there. Today in my Counseling class, as we have been talking about the use of Questions in the art of counseling, the Lord burdened me to ask them Relationship questions...
ReplyDeleteWHO is someone in your life with whom you have conflict? WHAT is one area in your walk with God that you would wish to change? WHERE do you hurt? HOW can we pray for you? In small groups, as the class opened and shared and prayed, many prayed for you by name, because that is where my heart was hurting. There will be many stories like this of caring people who pray, and you won't even begin to know them all, but you will feel them all, be held by them all, and God will work in them all. Love and blessings Auntie Lolly